Whilst performing at the Glastonbury Festival in England last weekend, Amy Winehouse decided she would get closer to her adoring fans, jumping off the stage and getting up close and personal. However, some of the fans were more "adoring" than others, and the fruit loop singer claims some of them groped her and threw things at her, so in return she threw a few punches and elbow strikes, like a drug-addled pop ninja. Fortunately for her, British police have decided not to hold an investigation.

The fans were lucky they only got a couple of punches and elbows, she has more edges than a broken window pane. At least she kept her temper, I once asked her for the time and she broke both my arms, ruptured my spleen and then projectile vomited all over me. Mind you, I was asking for trouble, as I was wearing a police uniform.